I’ve been thinking of cups. Well someone has to.
For the purpose of this discussion (and I hope you jump in) I will keep it down to just two types of cup: Those that are attractive to The Male and to The Female.
My first example is the shape most commonly found in every house that I’ve been to…
There is something sinister about a lone man in a wood don’t you think? No companion, no dog, no jogging outfit -just a man alone, walking perhaps. In a wood.
I mean, a woman would obviously be nuts to go walking alone in a dark wooded area, but only for her lack of fear. Who knows what danger lurks around the nearest tree? I’m not justifying the fear, simply pointing out that it is logical (or at least human) even if irrational, to think it. And it’s likewise irrational not to.
But a man alone in a wood is most certainly a psycho killer. He is on his way back from dumping the body and now you are a witness and now he is going to kill you. Nobody else is within sight or earshot. The path is bringing you closer to him. There is no way you can escape without highlighting your fear. You know your fear is irrational. You know it is nuts to run away. You are forced to pass him on the narrow path, placing yourself within easy reach of his murderous hands. Will you be the fool or the victim?
A short while ago I was that man -the psycho killer in the wood I mean. I confess I didn’t murder anyone, but I might as well have had.
Once again John Poland scours the deepest recesses of the mind and comes to grips with the primitive thoughts within. It’s not always glum in there y’know!
Be sure to keep watching to the end!
I know what you’re thinking -“How could I possibly afford a Simply Happy Ringtone!?”
But fret not, because not only is this ringtone very cheap, it is in fact FREE!
You’ve watched the video, below, and sung along on the second listen and you found you couldn’t get the tune out of your head.
Now, take this mp3 ringtone (rightclick/Save-As) and do the same to your friends and enemies. Go forth and infest them with the upbeat positivity of your incoming phonecalls!
(Above ringtone contains the first Simply Happy chorus, followed by the more frenetic final chorus if you haven’t answered by then. If you’d prefer just the final chorus you can download it here.)
I urge you to heed what I’m saying. This is serious people. The world is on the brink and we all need to row together and prop each other up where we can.
That is why I am leading a campaign for an informal whip-around for one very special person. I’m sure you have a leaky tap you were looking to replace this year or were intending to buy a steak or some lamb chops this month or maybe you felt flathulach and thought you might splash out on a new pair of shoes (?)
But before you spend those coppers in your pocket, please please please spare a thought for the chairman of the Bank of Ireland, Mr. Brian Goggin, who I just heard on the radio. He expects to earn under 2 million euros this year.
Surely we can’t let this happen to a man who took home more than 2.9 million last year. I mean, that’s a 33% paycut!!
So, if any of you are rich on redundancy or were suddenly paid part of an invoice due to you two years ago, perhaps you could mosey on over to your nearest Bank of Ireland branch (if it hasn’t been closed during the streamlined Celtic Tiger years) and put a little something in an envelope for Mr. Goggin. You can trust Bank of Ireland to know what to do with it.
Give a little now. It will help a lot.
(They’ll be back for the rest later on.)
I think Happiness is mis-sold, overvalued and under-appreciated. I mean the emotion/ state-of-mind rather than the (excellent, though difficult-at-first) film by Todd Solodnz.
Happiness is difficult to do right -and almost impossible to maintain for very long. All’s it takes to rain on a day-long flotation of upbeat positivity is often a dismissive sigh, a shake of the head or an eyes-a-sky selfish shrug from a “friend” for it all to come crashing down.
I’ll give you an example of the birth and death of Happiness…
Stanley Kubrick once said
“The essence of dramatic form is to let an idea come over people without it being plainly stated. When you say something directly, it’s simply not as potent as it is when you allow people to discover it for themselves.”
The saddest moment in Schindler’s List (for me) is when people are being herded onto a train and told to leave their luggage -It’ll be sent on later. Then we see the luggage in a big heap being rifled-through/ burnt. That scene had me in tears -or as good as.
So is this the mark of a masterpiece? Something that can make a grown man cry? Onions do that to me all the time, but I still don’t stop chopping them to pieces and nobody thinks any less of me for doing so.
For me, Schindler’s List is like Barney.
Ok, I admit it -I read the book and this film has little resemblence to it, but I’m really not one of those people who go around complaining that the movie is not as good as the book. I knew going in that it was different to “Q and A“. That didn’t bother me. I was looking forward to seeing the story being fixed in fact. The book had its faults, but really the only problems were to do with the “last act”. Besides the ending, the book was great. If they had filmed the book and fixed the ending it would have been a slower film, but it would have had class and it would have been brilliant. They could have introduced some alternative plotlines to speed it up somewhat, which wouldn’t have changed the tone, if they really felt they needed to. They didn’t.
Fluffy clouds and fuzzy bunnies joined me in song and merriment as I led the parade through thronged ticker-taped streets, when all at once I was violently awakened by little satnav shouting “Daddy wake up! Today is the day you’re getting your tooth out!”
I had forgotten about it. Young Lucy’s feminine senses in date-management have thankfully (or not as the case may be) kicked into full swing. Last Wednesday she told me “this time next week you’ll be having your tooth out.” I had forgotten then too.
There are a few untouchable givens in the world of film
1. Schindler’s List is a masterpiece (which I disagree with too, but that’s not the point I’m coming to so let’s not go there just now).
2. You can’t criticise dire movies by the likes of Michael (“Armageddon”) Bay and Roland (“Independence Day” -which was actually quite good for the first hour or so) Emmerich because you are told “it’s just a piece of bubblegum -not meant to be taken seriously -leave the brain at the door”. My point on that is, how can anyone say whether they’re any good if their brains had been checked-in at the desk like shoes at a bowling alley?
3. Ridley Scott is a great director.
It’s number three I’d like to address here.