Category Archives: THING

Poker Rankings

My brother-in-law was sitting in the kitchen a while ago when he noticed a deck of cards on the table. He picked them up and the first five cards he turned over made a full-house. Happy with himself he laughed then asked what beats a full-house.

My daughter (8) piped up: “A royal flush!”

We both laughed at her knowledge, but she wasn’t finished.

“Four of a kind…”

“A straight flush.”

Just when we thought she was done she added

“…and if you’re playing with jokers you could have five of a kind.”

Confession: I didn’t teach her the rules, but I did discover she had dug out this poker-hands table a few days ago that I made up some time ago (mainly because I can never remember the answer to questions like “what beats a full-house?”

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What is THE WIRE all about?

The Wire is a TV series by David Simon -and others.

I’m posting this because I don’t think enough has been said about The Wire.
Sure, it’s easy to see it’s praises being sung everywhere, but I’ve spoken with many people who have seen/read this praise and jumped in, often unable to make it halfway through the first series without throwing in the towel.

Why?
Maybe, I think, it’s because people have become weary of the kind of traditional tales that are set in “this environment” via the traditional media. Who needs more woe-begotten, hopeless stories with small sparks of over-gushing sentimentality? Not me.
Or maybe it’s because people see it as being “about a world I have no interest or involvement in”?
That’s possible.

Thankfully, the Wire is about much more than that, if you allow it to take you through its story.

So what is it? What is THE WIRE all about?

I’d like to make some attempt at explaining why people should stick with it (if they have a difficulty) and to put a finger on exactly what it is all about -or at least give a general no-spoiler overview so as to enable you to decide if it’s something you might wish to devote your precious time to…

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10,000 to 1

The following isn’t funny or anything like that -just somewhat interesting…

I passed the kitchen table a while ago and noticed a small piece of paper with some writing on it. I picked it up and there was my Bankcard PIN number staring back at me, in my (7 year old) daughter’s handwriting.

I’m very careful with this number and never let anyone else see when I’m keying it in and never write it down anywhere. It’s not a ‘straightforward/ obvious’ number such as 1234.

I called out and found her in the front room. Showing her the piece of paper, I asked what it meant. Immediately she grew annoyed and didn’t want to say anything about it. Of course I insisted. Finally she confessed: It’s the password she chose for some Nintendo DS game.

I asked how come she chose that number.

…Obviously I can’t tell you what number it is/was, or her reasons for each digit, but suffice to say she did indeed have a reason for each digit -although one of her reasons was slightly ‘wrong’.

Her reasons are not the same as mine.

She has no idea I’ve been using the same number for a number of years.

Is it purely coincidence she chose the 4-digit number I’m probably most familiar with? Must be. I can’t think how else she chose it -and it’s not like she deliberately chose it because of its link with me.

This is a new DS game and her first time choosing a 4-digit code for anything that I know of, so it’s not like she has chosen lots of codes before. By my reckoning the odds of her picking those 4 digits in that order are 10,000 to 1 (0000 – 9999).

Strange but true.

Why I Don’t Like Eco-Toilets

If you haven’t bought a toilet in the last few years it may come as news to you that the “flush & go” system as we knew it is now (as far as I know) more or less extinct.

Gone is the old handle.

oldflush11
Flusher. An old one. Yesterday.

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In is a dual flush system, with a small button and a big button.

Twice the fun.
Twice the fun.

The small button is for Number Ones. The big button is for Number Twos, but nobody ever tells you that. Isn’t the internet marvellous?

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So here’s my list, off the top of my head as to why I think the new system is (if you pardon the pun) crap…

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More Kidstalk

My son, Jack, turned 4 last week.

The other day as we watched TV (I think The Simpsons was on -nothing to do with anything) Jack cheerily said “sure we’ll never get dead?”

I don’t think he was waiting for an answer. He was happy to leave it at that.

Lucy (aged 7) turned to me with a knowing smile and said “Daddy, will you tell him or will I?”

I didn’t ask her to expand on what she might tell him.

It was a funny and sad moment. An excellent combination I find. 🙂

– – – – – – – – – – –

Last night as I was dressing Jack for bed, he hung his head and quietly asked “Sure fuck off boyo isn’t a nice thing to say?”

I shook my head and told him no it’s not. He seemed happy to know it.

Somewhere in Time

Somewhere in Time

A number of years ago a team of medical experts placed a camera in my anus to search for the source of my intense abdominal pain. They didn’t find anything.

A few years later they were back to search again. Afterward, the main doc was coming around to each of the examinees in turn, telling people they’ll have to come back for more tests, etc.. When he came to me he said “we didn’t find the possible source to your symptoms,” before adding lest I feel dejected, “…we found a polyp!” in an almost cheery manner.

It reminded me of that scene in Life Of Brian when a group of ‘terrorists’ hid in a small house and a full garrison of Roman soldiers marched in to search for them. They didn’t find anything, then left. A little while later they returned because there was some place they forgot to check. Following the lengthy entrance and exit, the garrison leader was expecting a positive find, but instead was informed “we found this spoon, sir!”

I do enjoy it when often totally unrelated events or circumstances remind me of something from a movie or book or painting or whatever.

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Working with elastics

OK I admit it. I flipped. I spent time photographing elastics in various poses. There -I’ve said it!

In my defence, I did them years ago, but I do think they’re kinda nice. I just thought to add them here. And why not?

virginlastic

These are part of my “Stretch Out of the Office” series. I think if there was any justice these images (framed) would be as de riguer in offices as, say, those classy poker playing dogs pieces.

Be sure to check out the rest!

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DEAD RAT

A little while ago my next door neighbour called to the door and asked if he could take some snips from flowers in our garden. I said of course, work away.

Long story, shortened: The previous owners of our house planted hundreds of flowers and plants all over the place. During the past 9 years of our tenure the garden has been forced to stand on its own two feet and fend for itself for the main part. If I’ve done nothing else, I like to think I’ve taught it some independence. Deirdre next door does some flower arranging every now & again. Her husband Con helps her gather what’s needed.

So Con went off and allowed me return to Series 1 of Damages (which incidentally is both awfully compelling and often just awful -a trend I’ve noticed in other TV shows such as The Tudors -it’s like they know they could be great, but are afraid to commit to being really great in case they lose the mass appeal. So every now & again they liberally apply Dumbdown (TM) and sprinkle it with an over-supply of Obviousness and pop it back in for a few minutes of crispy Crassness -a little something to please everyone, which results in nobody being happy with the end product.)

Glenn Close was being nasty and was about to make a nasty phonecall to another nasty lawyer when Con tapped on the window once again. It turned out he had made a discovery which can be summed up in two words: Dead Rat.

Yuck.

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Beautiful Rain

Yesterday John Poland and I  (with the help of other invaluable souls) shot another video. Our third. This one is called Beautiful Rain.

As you can imagine with a title like that, the video involved some rain. It was a tough shoot. Not very much went according to our simple plans.  On paper it was very straightforward: There are just two verses in this song, with a small instrumental bit in between.

The idea for the video was this:

1. We see rain.

2. JP sings the first verse while standing in the rain.

3. Gorilla sees JP, casts off his umbrella and begins dancing in the rain.

4. JP sings the 2nd verse while standing in the rain, turning in circles.

That, more or less was the plan. We even had a little actual rain, which was nice. But we knew we would need a little more rain no matter what, so we were prepared with a hose with suitable sprinkler attachment.

We did some practice takes, with rainwear, but only when JP removed his protective clothing and began singing under the falldown did it become apparent that it was too damn cold!

Unfortunately, in the spot we were filming we were unable to run some hot water through a hose, otherwise it probably might have been doable. But within a minute-or-so it was obvious this idea would have to be scrapped.

Take a look at a wet JP:

screenshot1“SMILE JOHN!”

screenshot2“SING THE WORDS JOHN!”

screenshot3“LOOK UP INTO THE RAIN JOHN!”

screenshot4“DON’T RAISE YOUR HAND!”  “OPEN YOUR EYES!”  “SMILE!”

screenshot5“KEEP FACING FORWARD! SMILE! SMILE YA BASTARD! SMILE INTO THE BEAUTIFUL RAIN!!”

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As you can imagine, I didn’t have it easy. Nothing I did or said could make it possible for JP to do it.

Anyway, initially we thought the day was a washout if you pardon the pun, but after thinking about it some more we came up with other ways of doing things. We made some compromises and added some alternative shots. That’s what happens with filming all the time, no doubt.

The important thing is WE WERE NOT BEATEN! We got the shots we needed -well almost all. We just need a teensy bit more -but we’re waiting for the right time to shoot.

Fear not -you will see the final video on here first, so keep checking back throughout the week to see how it looks. And did I mention the song is very nice indeed? Wait til you hear it -another great tune for our forthcoming Happiness Album !