I was listening to some music the other day when my daughter, Lucy, came in. “Who’s that?” she enquired. I told her it was Neil Young.

“Neil Young?” she asked dramatically with mock surprise, “I thought it was Neil Old.”

– – – –

Lucy & myself were talking about some news or plotline or something on the telly (I forget what it was), and I said “See Lucy, you pay peanuts you get monkeys.”

“…Or elephants,” she added.

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2007

Myself and Lucy went outside one Spring morning to “examine the land”. I wanted to see if the grass was dry enough to cut (it wasn’t) or if the hedge was ok to trim (it wasn’t), but we were also going out just for a walk around the garden.

Lucy pointed out the white flowers blooming on the ’snow bush’ outside the front door. They only last a few days before they go rust coloured and die. There were some bees buzzing around and Lucy froze and told me to check if there were any on her. I checked and told her there weren’t, then we continued up the driveway when I remembered that there were various bits of rubbish dumped by the road outside our house, so I thought I’d better go and collect that.

I told Lucy we were going out on the road to collect some rubbish once I got a plastic bag to put it in. I ran into the house to find a bag and when I came back to the hallway Lucy was checking herself in the mirror, making sure she looked well for “outside”, typical woman that she was fast becoming. She removed the over-sized hairclip that was shaped like a flower from the centre of her head and re-assessed her outfit.

I told her she shouldn’t be so worried about other people. I said “do you really think someone is going to be speeding along the road, spot a lovely young girl with a flower in her hair and think that it’s silly or funny-looking?”

She said “noooo… it’s because of the beeeees!”

– – – –

2006

Lucy looked across the table at me one day and I must have been thinking or something (has been known to happen you know), because she asked  “are you ok Daddy?”

I said “Do you think I’m ok?”

She said yes.

I said “Do you think I’m great?”

She said “well I’m only in junior infants –how the hell would I know?”

– – – –

2006

I was sitting in the kitchen with Lucy. She said “when I’m your age I’m going to get a Nintendo Wii too.”

I smiled.

Then she said “You’ll be a granddad then.”

I said “I’ll look forward to that.”

She said “Yeah me to.”

After a pause she said “I wonder who my husband will be.”

I said hmmm.

She said “why did mommy pick you that time?”

I said “I don’t know, why do you think?”

She thought about it, then said “well… were you wearing a tuxedo?”

– – – –

Have you ever had the pleasure of nuggets-of-wisdom/ funny-tales from kids? Tell me please.