Victim o’ the wood

There is something sinister about a lone man in a wood don’t you think? No companion, no dog, no jogging outfit -just a man alone, walking perhaps. In a wood.

I mean, a woman would obviously be nuts to go walking alone in a dark wooded area, but only for her lack of fear. Who knows what danger lurks around the nearest tree? I’m not justifying the fear, simply pointing out that it is logical (or at least human) even if irrational, to think it. And it’s likewise irrational not to.

But a man alone in a wood is most certainly a psycho killer. He is on his way back from dumping the body and now you are a witness and now he is going to kill you. Nobody else is within sight or earshot. The path is bringing you closer to him. There is no way you can escape without highlighting your fear. You know your fear is irrational. You know it is nuts to run away. You are forced to pass him on the narrow path, placing yourself within easy reach of his murderous hands. Will you be the fool or the victim?

A short while ago I was that man -the psycho killer in the wood I mean. I confess I didn’t murder anyone, but I might as well have had.

Continue reading Victim o’ the wood

Simply Happy Ringtone!

I know what you’re thinking -“How could I possibly afford a Simply Happy Ringtone!?”

But fret not, because not only is this ringtone very cheap, it is in fact FREE!

You’ve watched the video, below, and sung along on the second listen and you found you couldn’t get the tune out of your head.

Now, take this mp3 ringtone (rightclick/Save-As) and do the same to your friends and enemies. Go forth and infest them with the upbeat positivity of your incoming phonecalls!

(Above ringtone contains the first Simply Happy chorus, followed by the more frenetic final chorus if you haven’t answered by then. If you’d prefer just the final chorus you can download it here.)

Spread the Happiness -Prepare to be hated!


I urge you to heed what I’m saying. This is serious people. The world is on the brink and we all need to row together and prop each other up where we can.

That is why I am leading a campaign for an informal whip-around for one very special person. I’m sure you have a leaky tap you were looking to replace this year or were intending to buy a steak or some lamb chops this month or maybe you felt flathulach and thought you might splash out on a new pair of shoes (?)

But before you spend those coppers in your pocket, please please please spare a thought for the chairman of the Bank of Ireland, Mr. Brian Goggin, who I just heard on the radio. He expects to earn under 2 million euros this year.

Surely we can’t let this happen to a man who took home more than 2.9 million last year. I mean, that’s a 33% paycut!!

So, if any of you are rich on redundancy or were suddenly paid part of an invoice due to you two years ago, perhaps you could mosey on over to your nearest Bank of Ireland branch (if it hasn’t been closed during the streamlined Celtic Tiger years) and put a little something in an envelope for Mr. Goggin. You can trust Bank of Ireland to know what to do with it.

Give a little now. It will help a lot.

(They’ll be back for the rest later on.)

Simply Happy!

I’ve talked of Happiness here and here. One of the reasons is because I’ve been writing some lyrics for songs with my friend John Poland and we recently entered a song -called SIMPLY HAPPY- for Ireland in the Eurovision Song Contest.

You might recall I previously mentioned our adventures in making the video, well now you can experience some of the mayhem of that day for yourself. Spare a thought for poor Mrs. Rumm operating the bubble machine with her sore back (slowly getting better thanksforasking) in the midst of all this chaos.

We hope you enjoy and experience a little bit of happiness for these three minutes.

SIMPLY HAPPY by John Poland & Stanley Rumm

NOTE: You need to click the ‘UP ARROW’ type thingy on the bottom right of the video and select “HQ” to view it in high quality. The standard view is unwatchable.

Feel free to comment here, but it would be appreciated if you could click the video and rate & respond in youtube itself.

Something more to say on Happiness

Happiness is a hard-sell because Happiness is a self-generated emotion.
It can’t be forced onto another person the way more negative traits like Fear, Sadness, Greed, Regret, Inadequacy, etc. can.
Everybody has their own ideas of Happiness -a roomful of books, lots of money, a large family, quiet time with nobody around, God, oblivion, job security, Summer holidays, etc.

But you only have to mention DEATH and your entire audience is united in Fear. Stick a few murders on the pot and you have a guaranteed audience of headlighted-rabbits.

Death, like Sex, is an easy sell. Too easy in my view.

Continue reading Something more to say on Happiness

The Entire Life of A Happiness

I think Happiness is mis-sold, overvalued and under-appreciated. I mean the emotion/ state-of-mind rather than the (excellent, though difficult-at-first) film by Todd Solodnz.

Happiness is difficult to do right -and almost impossible to maintain for very long. All’s it takes to rain on a day-long flotation of upbeat positivity is often a dismissive sigh, a shake of the head or an eyes-a-sky selfish shrug from a “friend” for it all to come crashing down.

I’ll give you an example of the birth and death of Happiness…

Continue reading The Entire Life of A Happiness